Recently, I never really care of what people think of me. All I really do care about is what I feel for other people, how I connect with them, how ties are made… how bonds are strengthened. Until she told me one thing that somehow got a dagger in my heart lifts a bit higher. Some people really do understand.
I make posts in the blog, simply because, most of the people (I think) who read it are those not close to me, strangers perhaps, so I never thought of it as a big deal. I even told someone before, “If you visit my blog in friendster, it’s probably half of who I am”. I wasn’t just jesting with I said that.
I’m a loner, or should I say, I like to stay alone more often than being with my friends. I go to the rooftop and stay there, look at the sky, talk to the Almighty, whispering, while my heart speaks aloud my emotions. I often tell Him my mistakes, my sins, my shortcomings, my wishes, my desires, and “her”.
Denied with all the things I desired when I was young, and as I grew up, I can say, definitely I didn’t need these stuff. Not long ago, I had the chance to become rich, a chance to earn P3,000-P5,000 weekly for the first few months and at maximum of around P15,000 a week after. I was already listing the things I want to buy when I’m gonna get my 15K… Until a knock on my head, I realized, I’m losing my faith… I’m spending more time counting money than thanking Him. Beat that Mr. Supervisor!
I’m done with life as many see it. Dreams can be fulfilled, I’ve seen that, but I chose not to take it. Coz I ask myself one question I couldn’t answer, “When all my dreams come true, what will be next, shall I continue dreaming until the end?”. What kind of life is that! A life of counting dreams as much as fulfilling it!? It’s a constitution of never ending symphony that doesn’t fit any end except death.
I wish to make a difference. That’s what I want. That’s what I wish for, something different. Something people seem to wish for as if they think it would never happen. Ever since college, I always want to beat norms. I want to defy the bars they set.
And she asked me, “Have you really gone over it.. Have you really moved on?”
This question can’t be answered by a yes or a no. But I can say… I’m listening on the flow of the stream, wishing, it would cross mine.
Many people say, “I’ll never look back… For my past caused me Pain”… or something like, “My past is something I must forget” or, “(s)He’s a part of yesterday I’ll never look back”…. I tend to laugh at them actually, cause how sure are they that what they are running away from is still behind them and not waiting in front of them?
I’ll tell you guys one thing… Especially who told me I made her cry just reading my blogs. It’s a compliment I’d take till my last breathe. If someone was so touched with my blogs… I hope I’ve made you smile too after awhile.
My life is like a book. Every striking chapter is found here in my blog. Every memorable part is definitely noted. But my diary is in my heart (or in my room). And if you wake up around 1 or 2 am in the morning (Philippine time), try to look out at the sky, coz probably, I’m doing the same thing.. and for sure, we are under the same roof of clouds or stars up above. Think of me.. Think of me praying alone, whispering to the Almighty, sitting alone, with my heart screaming for everything I could not say.
